I have a super cute dog named Elvis,
...but sometimes I'm afraid he might be a serial killer.
I mean I know it's normal for dogs to be destructive on some level, but my dog actually has a method of destruction, a modus operandi if you will.
It began when he was just a little puppy. We gave him a stuffed squeaky toy that was looked like a cross between a dog and a giraffe. it was almost Valentine's Day when we adopted him, so it had a cute little heart pattern on it. We called him Mr. Squeaker.
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| Elvis and his first victim |
Elvis first chewed off Mr. Sqeaker's ears, then tore out all of his stuffing. It only took a few days for him to destroy most of Mr. Squeaker. Somehow though he still seemed very attached to his toy, so because I had more time than money, I lovingly repaired it.
At the time, I wrote this about Mr. Squeaker:
“We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better...stronger...faster.”
Mr. Squeaker was in a terrible condition when he landed on my table. He had multiple lacerations to the face and abdomen. All of his extremities, including his ears, appeared to have been mauled off by some horrible, sadistic creature. I first addressed the most serious lacerations to his throat, as he was nearly decapitated. After a couple of skin grafts, multiple stuffing transfusions, and thousands of stitches, Mr. Squeaker will most likely recover. It is important that he gets plenty of rest and avoids chewing of any kind.
Despite my efforts, Mr. Squeaker met his fate only a few short weeks later. Though he's only a year old, Elvis has taken another two victims. The second was on Father's Day when I took him back to my parents house. My mom is a sucker for puppies, so she bought him a "chew resistant" toy. We went to the grocery store for some last-minute ingredients and we were only gone for 20 minutes. This is what we found when we got back:
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| Um, it wasn't me? |
This time, he didn't just take the ears, he also tore off the eyes. They were little plastic discs, but it was still disturbing.
To discourage his destructive and somewhat creepy behavior, we decided not to get him any more stuffed toys. However, I too am a sucker for puppies and caved in when he sniffed rather pointedly at a toy in the pet store. After all, it was his birthday and I thought it would be okay to indulge him.
I was wrong...
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| The toy had a fox face and an octopus body. It was also ten dollars...freakin' destructive dog! |
Not fifteen minutes later, the toy's stuffed guts were strewn throughout the house. In fact, I'm still avoiding what my husband calls "tentacle fuzz". And guess what? The ears went first.
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| The fuzz multiplied. I thought only the head was stuffed. The body was actually a giant squeaky ball. You can see it between his paws. |
The time it takes for him to destroy stuffed toys has decreased exponentially. I'm afraid that the next time he manages to get any stuffed toy it will be completely shredded in 30 seconds. I shudder to think about what would happen if a child's favorite toy accidentally fell into his open jaws. At this point I just hope he never develops the taste for human flesh.
