If my dog were a human child, he would grow up to be a serial killer

I have a super cute dog named Elvis,

...but sometimes I'm afraid he might be a serial killer.

I mean I know it's normal for dogs to be destructive on some level, but my dog actually has a method of destruction, a modus operandi if you will.

It began when he was just a little puppy.  We gave him a stuffed squeaky toy that was looked like a cross between a dog and a giraffe.  it was almost Valentine's Day when we adopted him, so it had a cute little heart pattern on it.  We called him Mr. Squeaker.

Elvis and his first victim

 Elvis first chewed off Mr. Sqeaker's ears, then tore out all of his stuffing.  It only took a few days for him to destroy most of Mr. Squeaker.  Somehow though he still seemed very attached to his toy, so because I had more time than money, I lovingly repaired it.

At the time, I wrote this about Mr. Squeaker:

“We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better...stronger...faster.”

Mr. Squeaker was in a terrible condition when he landed on my table. He had multiple lacerations to the face and abdomen.  All of his extremities, including his ears, appeared to have been mauled off by some horrible, sadistic creature. I first addressed the most serious lacerations to his throat, as he was nearly decapitated. After a couple of skin grafts, multiple stuffing transfusions, and thousands of stitches, Mr. Squeaker will most likely recover. It is important that he gets plenty of rest and avoids chewing of any kind. 

Despite my efforts, Mr. Squeaker met his fate only a few short weeks later.  Though he's only a year old, Elvis has taken another two victims.  The second was on Father's Day when I took him back to my parents house.  My mom is a sucker for puppies, so she bought him a "chew resistant" toy.  We went to the grocery store for some last-minute ingredients and we were only gone for 20 minutes.  This is what we found when we got back:

Um, it wasn't me?

This time, he didn't just take the ears, he also tore off the eyes.  They were little plastic discs, but it was still disturbing.

To discourage his destructive and somewhat creepy behavior, we decided not to get him any more stuffed toys.  However, I too am a sucker for puppies and caved in when he sniffed rather pointedly at a toy in the pet store.  After all, it was his birthday and I thought it would be okay to indulge him.

I was wrong...

The toy had a fox face and an octopus body.  It was also ten dollars...freakin' destructive dog!

Not fifteen minutes later, the toy's stuffed guts were strewn throughout the house.  In fact, I'm still avoiding what my husband calls "tentacle fuzz".  And guess what?  The ears went first.

The fuzz multiplied.  I thought only the head was stuffed.  The body was actually a giant squeaky ball.  You can see it between his paws.

The time it takes for him to destroy stuffed toys has decreased exponentially.  I'm afraid that the next time he manages to get any stuffed toy it will be completely shredded in 30 seconds.  I shudder to think about what would happen if a child's favorite toy accidentally fell into his open jaws.  At this point I just hope he never develops the taste for human flesh.

How to not grow out a pixie as gracefully as you thought you were

So back in April I did something really drastic and cut off about ten inches of hair, stuck it in a bag, and donated it to people who needed wigs.  I had done this before, but last time I was left with a bob.  This time I went full monty, er... pixie.

Why? I'm still not really sure.  Maybe because I have a girl crush on Emma Watson.

Or maybe it's because I hated my job and felt like my life was out of my control.  I liked food too much to develop an eating disorder, so I cut my hair instead.  It ended up looking like this:

the sacrifice

Cute, right?  At least for awhile it was.  Then it started to grow out, but only in the back.  Yep. I was getting a mullett:

told you, it was BAD

This was actually the first picture I could find between the time I got it cut and late June.  I avoided cameras for like two months.  After I saw this picture, I asked my dad to hack off some of the back.

Then I started to realize that the area around my ears was just refusing to grow.

Mid-June

Mid-July

Early August

 By the time of my sister's wedding, the back was getting a little crazy, so we cut it again.

There was still a strange line though.  At this point, I started to take prenatal vitamins....and the back grew even faster!

Totally unsatisfied with my progress - sometime in September

A couple weeks ago I realized that I was getting to where if I curled my hair under, I could do that 70's pageboy thing.

All I need is a curling iron and some bad bangs to get THIS:

http://shortlonghairstyles.com/03/seventies-hairstyle-getting-back-into-the-past.html

So I finally cut it again.  Now it looks a bit more like a bob:

I'm actually pretty satisfied with how it is now, but every once in awhile I gaze longingly at my engagement photos:

So pretty.... sometimes I miss it

Things I learned:

Let the FRONT grow out first.  This will save you a lot of heartache in the end.  Keep trimming the back and let your bangs grow like this:

http://burstinstyle.blogspot.com/2011/01/michelle-williams-glows-in-marie-claire.html

Clips, barettes, headbands, scarves, etc are your best friends.  They hide weird pieces and make it look more like you planned it

Clips are cute. Butterflies are even cuter.

When in doubt, just cover it all with a bandana

If it's a really bad day, add a toucan as a distractor.

For a possibly more pertinent/logical guide, I recommend this blog post.  I don't really regret cutting it, I just kind of regret how I grew it back.  My advice: if you're thinking about it, do it when you're young and get it out of your system.  Your hair grows faster when you're young and you can pull that kind of thing off.  Here's the thing though, you will never realize how much of your self-confidence is wrapped up in your hair 'till it's gone.  Also, plan to spend more money on clothes and make-up.  There's no better way to look feminine than a cute dress.  If all else fails, buy a killer pair of heels and wear them out for no reason at all.  You'll feel better instantly, promise.  :)